Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
