God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
