my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
