On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
