So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
