Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
