he wants to bone in the snuggie
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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