This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
