Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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