The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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