Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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