I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
