Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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