Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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