yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
