Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
