I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
