My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
