i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
a search helicopter?!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
