shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Four minutes until I can fart!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
