I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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