Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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