The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
