she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
