is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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