hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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