at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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