I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize