Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
