Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
