remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
