I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
