party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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