i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
