it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
