Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
