We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
