At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My dick has a subreddit
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The Olympian is in my bed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
