i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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