I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
