he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
