get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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