Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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