Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
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Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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