I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
