And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
