he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
