I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
