I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
