why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
