You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
