My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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