Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
