The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
