why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
