WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
