They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
