I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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