i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
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Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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