That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
accomplished twins. life is a go
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
