It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
