i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal