She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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