I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
