so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
