the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
