please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
