I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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