My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
